De Ja Vu
by Aka Chuurippu
Summary: Hotaru is a Shinigami student with a secret, she remembers her past life. Lt. Abarai requests her assistance with a mission, which she accepts. In that time though, she meets someone from her past. Spoilers in last chapter. rated M for language to be safe
1. Ryoka

AN: Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo, not me! Everything related to Bleach is borrowed from his manga/anime, and accurate to the best of my ability. Hotaru is my creation from my own mind as well as her relatives.

* * *

The ryoka were within the Seireitei, I had to find them. I had only been in the Academy for a year of my schooling, but for some reason I felt drawn into this, for some reason I felt like I had to see these ryoka, and I couldn't explain why. I had seen one of them veered off, separate from the others; I figured I'd check that one out. If it's one on one, it's a fair fight. I stuck to the roof tops while he stayed on the ground. He looked... human. He had spiritual pressure, it was true, and he had a strength about him that seemed... familiar somehow. His brown wavy hair covered one of his eyes; something about him was giving me the strangest feeling of de ja vu. I kept my Zanpakuto concealed within its sheath. I would not draw my weapon unless he attacked me first, that was something I had sworn. Besides, with my Kido skill, I could easily split this guy in half. Something about him was disarming though, almost welcoming, as if ... as if I had known him before I died. If only I could remember.

I decided I'd follow him, at least until I had an idea of where he was going so I could alert a Captain. I wasn't a seated officer, or an academy graduate. I had no delusions of defeating a Ryoka on my own, I could easily stand my ground however until assistance arrived. But something told me that if I were to engage this particular Ryoka, he wouldn't fight me. In fact, the warmth I felt watching this man... it was calming warmth, like the one I experienced around Hanataro, a friend of mine. Could this Ryoka and I have known each other before my passing? Was he a former friend?

My head began to ache as I tried desperately to figure out where I knew him from. Who was he? Why did he give me this sensation? And why was I struggling so hard to piece everything together? It was a compulsion. A compulsion I felt I needed to indulge, but why did I feel like that? If I did in fact know this Ryoka once before in my prior existence, why did I feel so close to him now? My red haired ponytail blew in the breeze behind me as I continued to follow him using my shunpo. I was quite good at Shunpo, hand-to-hand combat and kido, sword skill was always lacking, but then again, I had never liked weapons of any kind. Suddenly voices began to echo in my mind, one of them I knew to be my own, but who was the other one, this ryoka maybe?

_"Hey, you okay?"  
I was coughing and wheezing those idiots at school were always teasing me and taking my inhaler to play keep away. The longer they did it, the worse my breathing got. Eventually they'd give it back, when I was no longer able to complain or stand up straight, my head and chest would ache from lack of oxygen. But not this time, this time, this new kid, he seemed to come out of nowhere, he had broken one of their noses and gotten my inhaler back for me. He handed it to me, and I hurried to take a dose to relax my airways. That first full breath was soothing, "yeah, thanks," I smiled.  
"Hey, anytime those guys bug you, just call for me i'll straighten them out," he offered. He didn't smile; there was something about him that made me feel like I could trust him. He was violent, but it was like I had always known him and he'd always been there, guarding me, and I guarded him when I could._

Why couldn't I hear him say his name? I remembered a bit now though, I knew why he seemed familiar; I had gone to school with him. That incident had happened when I was about 9 years old which made it... what... fourth grade, or fifth grade? Something like that. I continued to watch this man, who may have been a former friend, head towards the 8th division Captain's headquarters. He could be killed! There were orders to kill Ryoka on sight! I had to do something.

I used my Shunpo to gain the advantage over his speed and landed in the 8th division courtyard. "Captain Kyoraku!" I shouted out. A man in the traditional Shinigami outfit with a pink komono appeared before me.

"Hotaru, what are you doing away from the academy?"

"A thousand apologies Captain Kyoraku, I will accept whatever punishment is deemed necessary but I had to speak with you regarding one of the Ryoka," I spoke quickly. I wanted to be out of there before the ryoka did show up. I didn't want him to know that I was doing this for him... to protect him. Why was I protecting a ryoka?

"Hmm yes, you are no doubt aware that they are suspected of murdering Captain Aizen?" He asked.

My blood turned to ice as I answered truthfully, "I hadn't heard."

"What is it you wished to discuss?" He inquired.

"Sir, I ... I know we Shinigami are not supposed to remember our former lives... for some reason I have been experiencing de ja vu with the one Ryoka, the one headed this way towards you. Sir, I think he may have been a friend. Someone who tried to protect me when I was alive."

"Explain this to me," he insisted.

"I had an illness sir, a lung condition. I was teased for it and picked on relentlessly. Many times, those teasing me nearly killed me. I only have one memory sir of a ryoka, very similar to the tall man coming here, we were children. He attacked those who were bullying me and returned my medicine to me. That's all I remember. Captain, I couldn't bear it if this ryoka is harmed. Please... try to discourage him from continuing if he insists... do as you will. All I ask is you try to stop him before he gets seriously hurt."

"You have no right to ask this of me," he stated.

"That would be true sir, If I had not healed you from your last impaired stumble," I offered an explanation for my request beyond my own selfish desires.

He sighed, "That is true. Very well, I'll grant your request. If he refuses to desist, I will halt him in his tracks but he will not be killed. I always hope to avoid conflict anyhow."

"Thank you Captain Kyoraku!" I replied as I used my shunpo to take off. The ryoka's spiritual pressure was nearby, I could almost taste it. The further away I got, the less I could feel him... but I knew in Captain Kyoraku's presence, he would not be harmed_. I protected you, now please tell me why I'm risking my career to protect you? Who are you Ryoka? Why do I feel this need to guard you, and keep you safe? Did you once do the same for me?_ I pleaded inwardly.

Too many questions, not nearly enough answers. At best Captain Kyoraku would convince this Ryoka to retreat, second best, he'd get the Ryoka drunk, at worst he'd have a bad headache and a bit of a scare between life and death. Shunsui Kyoraku didn't like harming others unless it was out of absolute necessity, I knew that. That's why I respected him. The Ryoka would be kept alive and safe, something that would not have been accomplished with any other Captain having found him... I didn't have any prior favours to use as a bargaining chip with any of the 12 other Captains. _I'm glad you found Shunsui, Ryoka. You'll be kept safe. For now, that's the best I can do, but I promise on my soul, I will find out why I feel so close to you._

That was six months ago, while I was nearing completion of my training, I was approached by Soifon, the 2nd division Captain and asked if I'd like to join her on occasion for a few minor missions. I readily accepted, after all only a few Shinigami had gone on missions for the gotei 13 while still training. It was exciting. The more time I spent in the land of the living however, the more I began to remember.

I remembered a desert, and that Ryoka... I was remembering more of him but I still couldn't remember his name, or at least his first name. All I could remember at times was 'Sado', we had lived in a place called Mexico, and before that some place called Okinawa. I remember the heat in Mexico bothering my lungs, so I taught Sado how to play the guitar during those days. When that didn't happen we were running and playing soccer and basketball together. I sat on the roof top staring off into the night sky. How is it that I could remember these things? Was there something that my former self felt important enough to remember from one life into the next? Why? Who had this Sado guy been to me?

"Hey, what are you dreaming of over there?" A voice snapped me back to the present, I felt my face flush and suddenly wished my complexion was as dark as Sado's to have some hope of covering for me as I turned to see who had found me. It was the sixth division lieutenant!

"Lieutenant Abarai, I apologize sir. I was deep in thought," I sheepishly replied. He smirked at my response.

"That's obvious. But if you don't want to tell me what you were thinking about, I get it. You don't know me very well."


	2. To the land of the living!

I smiled meekly, despite his tough guy exterior; he could be nice when he wanted to be. It was one of those things that made it easier to open up to him a bit. I chose my words carefully, "I was thinking of when the humans and the substitute Shinigami entered the Seireitei to rescue Miss Kuchiki."

"If she caught you calling her that she'd zap you with white lightening," he remarked laughing a bit. I chuckled, she probably would too. Lieutenant Abarai knew her better than Captain Kuchiki, having grown up with her until she was adopted into the Kuchiki clan.

"And call me Renji when outside the Seireitei. I'm not about to use Zabimaru on you for insubordination."

"We're not supposed to remember our past lives, are we?" I blurted.

"It's very rare. If you remember something it's probably because it was important to you. If you're comfortable talking about it, I could just ask around and say someone that I came into contact with is having memories that they're concerned about."

I hesitated then taking a breath, I explained the whole thing to him. "Which of the Ryoka?" He asked.

Oh right, he's friends with them, I shouldn't have said anything! "Uhh, never mind."

"Why?"

"Cause you're friends with them," I replied, tensing a bit.

"Well yeah, but if you tell me who it is that triggers these feelings and memories I might be able to tell you a bit about them, maybe even where these things happened."

"It's the tall one, dark brown wavy hair, really muscular," I described him as best as I could.

"That's Chad. Well, Yasutora Sado, but everyone calls him Chad."

"Chad?" I asked, that didn't ring a bell, but Yasutora...

_"Hey, anytime those guys bug you, just call for me I'll straighten them out," he offered._

_"Thank you Yasutora..." my younger voice echoed through my head._

"That's him," Iconfirmed. "How do you know him?" the 6th division lieutenant inquired.

I closed my eyes trying to recall, "we grew up together... it was a warm place. I can't remember the name of it."

"Huh, that's interesting, by the way, when we're not in the Seireitei, please call me Renji. After all, it's not like we've always been superior and subordinate."

I smiled again, "True. You were the one who found me in the Rukongaidistrict. If it hadn't been for you I would've starved to death..." the last word kind of caught in my throat, everything my sensei was teaching me was against what I was about to say. "Renji..."

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for not walking away from me that day."

The red-haired tattooed lieutenant had a shocked look on his face, "Why would I?"

I shrugged, "I guess you could say my life before the Soul Society wasn't the greatest. I was used to people ignoring me... except Yasutora. It's good to finally have a name for his face, thank you for that as well," I explained as I smiled mentioning my old friend's name.

Renji grinned, "Yeah well, us Rukongai district lower classes gotta look out for each other right?"

I nodded. "So, I hear you take on assignments in the land of the living?" Renji changed the subject. I think he hated that I revered him as a bit of a hero.

"Sometimes," I affirmed.

"Want to come with me on a mission next week?"

"I'd be honoured to fight by your side Lieutenant." He glared at me and I quickly corrected myself. "Renji! I meant Renji! My apologies Lieu... Err... Renji!"

The fiery pineapple haired man began to calm down. "old habits, huh?"

"Yeah," I agreed smiling a bit more at ease. "You know, you remind me of Rukia, in a way."

"I do?"

"Yeah, kind of."

I hummed at the idea. Me compared to Lady Kuchiki? Now that's something you don't hear every day.

The week seemed to fly in my mind, soon it was the day for their departure as we ventured through the Senkaimon. Arriving at the other end of the gate they were greeted by Urahara, Rukia, Ichigo, Uryuu, Yoruichi, and Chad all of whom had been informed that Renji was bringing 'a promising Shinigamistudent' along with him for this assignment. However, upon seeing her, Chad's face seemed to pale, and his eyes widened in disbelief.

"Chad, are you alright? What is it?" Yoruichi asked catching the change in his facial expression. The others turned to look at him.

His brown eyes met the my green eyes and he managed to stutter, "H-Hotaru?"

Ichigo looked at his friend, confusion written on his face, "You know her Chad?"

Chad managed to nod and repeat himself, "Hotaru. Hotaru... what... what happened to you?"

my smile faded, "Yasutora..."

Rukia turned to her startled, "Wait, you knew him and you remember that you knew him?"

I nodded, "But that's all that I remember before waking up in the soul society." There was a loud crash, the group spun around to see that Chad had fainted. I felt myself sweating and instinctively brought my hand up to the back of my head, as I let out a frightened, "well that's unusual."

Tessai ran off to get a cold compress, which upon his return he handed to me. I took it graciously and knealt beside the giant man, dabbing the cold cloth against his face and neck. Half an hour passed before his eyelids began to flutter.

"Yasutora, can you hear me?" I asked as his eyes fluttered open.

"Yasutora?" I repeated, a cold face cloth in hand as I dabbed at my old friend's face.

"Huh? Hotaru?"

I felt my face heat up as a mixture of sadness and nervousness washed over me, "Yeah, it's me."

Yasutora moved to sit up, "Hey whoa, easy tiger," I insisted helping him sit up slowly. "Hotaru, are you...I mean did you..." he couldn't make himself say the word 'dead' or anything associated with the word.

I nodded, "Yeah, I died and I was sent to the soul society. I almost starved to death there within the first few months. Renji found me in the Rukongai district and got me to enrol in the academy. That was two years ago. They've pushed my academic level up twice so far," I giggled a little at the last bit.

"Sorry Chad, I thought this might be a bit of a nice surprise, but uhh I guess I misjudged," Renji apologized from the side lines.

Next thing anyone knew Rukia's fist connected withhis jaw "idiot!" she screeched. I was too stunned to react to the situation before me. I was going to be working with that lunatic? That was the Rukia Kuchiki?

"What the hell? You bring a student Shinigami who has memories of her prior life? Who knew Chad? Didn't you think that would be emotionally devastating to him?" I watched uncertain of what to do, I felt a hand grasping my shoulder, I turned to Yasutora.

His eyes seemed to be pleading with me. As if trying to will me into telling him what happened, "I only remember you saving my life at school, and offering to stick up for me if those boys didn't leave me alone. That's pretty much it," I informed him. His eyes fell, I guessed he was remembering that day.

"Those punks," he said. Rukia and Renji ceased fighting, all eyes were on us as he began to tell what had happened that day.


	3. Zanjutsu vs Kido

_He saw my colour getting worse, and noticed I was struggling to breathe, almost in tears as the boys had played keep away with my medication. He had observed just long enough to guess where the inhaler would be tossed next and while it was in the air, he took action. He had punched one of the bullies in the face, causing blood to squirt from the guy's nose, and with the other hand caught my inhaler and glared at the others, challenging them. They ran away terrified of him now. He handed me back my medication and asked if I was okay. At that point, I was barely able to talk, and I was light-headed. He could tell and placed a hand on my arm and clutched onto me in case I was going to fall. When my lungs cleared up enough I thanked him and said I was okay, I called him Yasutora. How did I know him though? _

When I finished telling the story, there were seven pairs of eyes staring at us. "She was asthmatic, and the weather in Mexico wasn't very kind to her. Those boys were always teasing her, calling her names, chasing her with baseball bats, or whatever they could find to make her run in fear. I never told Abuelo but the reason I used to be so violent wasn't for myself, it was for Hotaru, initially. I started getting picked on for standing up for her and that just made me angrier and I'd beat up on them even more," he revealed.

I sighed, I was remembering a bit more.

_"Yasutora and Hotaru sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Hotaru with a baby carriage!" the boys taunted. Yasutora scoffed at their song, and I rolled my eyes. It was a cooler day and I had been playing basketball in the school yard, now we were playing one on one. "Show me what'cha got boy," I playfully antagonized him. "You got nothing," he shot back the jesting evident in his tone. I dribbled the basketball and moved, he countered. I moved again, he missed, I shot for the net, and sunk it with ease. "Three pointer!" I cheered for myself. Yasutora smiled, he actually smiled! _

"Hotaru?" Yasutora's voice broke through my thoughts.

I smiled and looked at him all I could think of to convey where my mind had been was one word, "Basketball."

He kind of chuckled at that and added an observation, "maybe being here will help you to remember."

"Maybe," I replied. He placed a hand on my shoulder, looking over at him I caught that look in his eye, the same look that I always remembered in these flashbacks I was having, I felt my face heat up and soften my expression when I saw that look, that disarming look, combined with the compassionate aura that I had always felt around him. I wondered if I had a crush on him.

After things settled down they went up to the main floor of Urahara's shop (after he had given both Renji and myself our gigais) to discuss their new assignment, from the way Renji explained it, the mission appeared to be purely investigative. "Now I know why you brought me along Renji, your idea of investigating is sending Zabimaru after an object to see if it'll slice in half," I joked. To my astonishment I got a laugh out of just about everyone at the table, except of course Renji whose eyebrow occasionally twitched.

"Wanna step outside and settle this?"

"Why not just head back down to the training room?" Urahara suggested.

"You're on, but I'm with Urahara-sensei on the location," I replied.

So back down to the training room we went. Renji and I took our places, for a brief moment I thought this may look sort of like those old western movies he had been telling me about. "Howl! Zabimaru!" he hollered as he sent his sword at me. I reacted quickly with a kido spell, "Enkosen!" A round shield of reiatsu appeared before me and blocked his attack. After his customary three strikes, Zabimaru retreated back to Renji's hand.

"Give up?" I asked, smirking a bit.

"Ha!" was his only reply as he sent his Zanpakuto at me again. This time, I used shunpo to dodge the blade. He had to be kidding. He was just going to stand there waving his Zanpakuto around? I could dodge him when sleep walking, and in truth had done so.

I grew bored quickly and decided to finish this off, "Sajo Sabaku!"

Multiple ropes formed around Renji, binding his arms to his body, immobilizing him. "Alright, you made your point," he roared. He really didn't like losing to anyone lower rank than him, never mind a student.

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better Renji, I suck at Zanjutsu. Kido, hand-to-hand, and Hoho, I'm top of my class. Zanjutsu... average would be generous," I admitted.

"I see, how about while we're here we try to work on that a bit?" he suggested.

I grinned, "Yeah n you can practice your kido." I released my kido spell, and he relaxed. "Ha, if I can get better at Kido with your help, I'll recommend you for Lieutenant when you graduate."

I laughed, "that bad?"

"You have no idea."

We returned to the main floor. "Your dispute settled?" Ichigo asked.

"Yep, Renji surrendered," I replied.

Rukia laughed, "I knew that would happen. Students are only allowed to use Kido in the living world, and Renji sucks at that."

"Actually that's changed, effective just last week, we're permitted to use a Zanpakuto for training purposes in the land of the living, or in battle when in absolute necessity. I don't think I'd use mine at any other time though."

"Why not?" Ichigo asked, I'd heard of his prowess with Zangetsu.

"I'm not that good with swords," I replied blushing. "Besides, kido has far more uses than a blade. A blade is made to slice, dice, and cut an opponent. Kido can bind, destroy, heal, or paralyze. By far Kido is much more versatile," I stated with a smile.

I had decided to save Renji some dignity and didn't explain that I had used kido while he failed to hit me with Zabimaru. We discussed our assignment a bit more with the others, and revealed that there was a heightened concentration of reiatsu that the soul society was unable to identify on their end, as such we were sent to investigate the source of this heightened reiatsu.

"Well you can't blame me," Ichigo joked.

"Hardly," Renji agreed.

"This spiritual pressure that the soul society detected, it's similar to that of an Arrancar, however there's been no Arrancar or Espada activity since Aizen's defeat."

"So they send a lousy Lieutenant who probably intimidated his way to his rank and a student brat who hasn't even graduated the academy yet. Great," Ichigo was jesting with us now.

This was my first true mission in the real world, and I was going to be taken seriously. "I might only be a student, Ichigo Kurosaki. But I've only been in the soul society for two years and I'm set to graduate in six months. There's only been three other Shinigami in history to achieve such a thing, on top of that despite being pushed ahead four times in the past year, I'm still the top of my class in three forms of combat and in the fourth form of combat I'm about average. So I highly suggest you hold your smart alec tongue, because it's no problem for me to bind it for you," I warned.

He was starting to sweat, "hey I was just joking about... no need to bind me like Rukia did when I first met her."

"I already knew you were joking but I don't see this as being a laughing matter," I clarified.

"Right, sorry. I guess this is your first mission here huh?"

"It's my first mission without a Captain tailing me everywhere, yes. I'm here with a Lieutenant, it's true, but it's one step closer to having a real mission of my own," I confirmed.


	4. Living arrangements & training

Chapter 4

Yasutora was looking at me now, I guess he wondered why I was so indignant about this. "Anyways, it's probably best that each of us not be on our own unless we're Shinigami, Ichigo is a substitute Shinigami so he's fine. Rukia usually stays with him anyway, but I'm thinking maybe she should stay with Orihime just until we've identified this thing. Ichigo's father is a former Captain so he'd be safe, but anyone who lives alone is an open target to this thing especially with high spiritual pressure. Renji, do you want to take Chad or Uryuu?"

"You haven't witnessed their cooking have you?"

"I witnessed Chad's years ago, and he's pretty good... or was... for a young boy."

Chad didn't know if he should be grateful or insulted. Renji's eyes went wide "you like that spicy stuff?"

"I grew up in Mexico, what were you expecting me to like?"

"So what is your story? Do you remember anything else?" Orihime asked.

I shook my head no, "latest thing I remember is playing basketball some point during autumn."

"She beat me that game, it had just changed seasons from summer to autumn, that summer her lungs were acting up. So I went easy on her," Chad added.

"Do you know when your birthday is?" Rukia asked.

Again I shook my head no. "April 6th," Chad answered for me. I looked at him with a questioning expression.

"One day before mine," he answered my silent question. I had been wondering how he'd remember that.

It became decided as we headed out of the shop, Ichigo would be at home, Rukia with Orihime, Uryuu with Renji, and I was staying with Chad.

"I don't know Hotaru, it'll be weird having a roommate," Chad admitted.

"True, and I have to admit I'm not sure that this won't cause a series of memories to pop up."

"If that does happen, I'm probably best for you to be around," Chad offered his view on the situation. I looked at him and nodded in agreement.

"So you mainly use Kido?"

"Yes, I've never needed to use an incantation either, so the proper term would be Eishohaki, but to strengthen the spells I'm working on Kojutsu Eisho. Which means later mention incantation."

"Hey speaking of kido, Kiddo," Renji interrupted.

"Hmm?"

"Meet me back here tomorrow, 4 o'clock, we'll go over your Zanpakuto skills," Renji stated.

I nodded, "Alright. While we're waiting for that time to roll around," I pulled out a kido spell book from my robes.

"Memorize the bakudo incantations one through thirty three," I ordered. He began to sweat at the thought.

"Hey, you gave me a challenge, and I don't back down. Do it or admit you're a coward."

"I'm not a coward!"

"Then I'll expect the incantations to be memorized."

Yasutora and I never said much when it was just the two of us, until he put in a Carnivore Kingdom DVD, then with me intrigued he couldn't stop talking about the show. 4 pm the next day rolled around quickly, Renji was eager to get started on helping me with my Zanjutsu while I was eager to assist him with his Kido.

"Draw your blade Hotaru," he was insisting. I could keep dodging Zabimaru all day, but he apparently had learned enough Kido to block my spells or he'd been holding out on me.

Trembling, I drew my Zanpakotu. I knew the reason my Zanjutsu skill was lacking, but it was humiliating to admit. _I'll just block the attacks from Zabimaru, I won't release the shikai ability_ I told myself. When I drew my Zanpakotu, Renji was shocked. It was a flame Zanpakotu, but I didn't dare release it. In it's sealed form, it looked like any other sword.

"Release your Shikai. C'mon Hotaru, I can do this for hours!" He ordered. I glared at him and blocked Zabimaru's first attack on me.

"Release your Shikai. I don't want to hurt you," Renji revealed.

Too late, Zabimaru grazed my shoulder, and blood began flowing from me almost instantly. Renji ceased his attack and rushed over to me.

"I've got it," I told him using a healing spell on myself.

"Why aren't you using your Shikai?"

I kept my gaze on the wound that was rapidly healing on my shoulder. "Hello? Ground control to Hotaru, why are you not using your Zanpakotu's ability."

"I'm afraid of fire," I admitted. Renji grew wide eyed as he heard my words. "My Zanpakotu is named Suzaku, she's a fire Zanpakotu, and because she's a fire Zanpakotu, I'm afraid of her. How pathetic is that?"

Renji laughed a little. "It's kind of silly, but not pathetic. I can understand being afraid of fires you have no control over. But remember, this Zanpakotu chose you to be her master. She obeys you, so you don't have any reason to fear her. Besides, I'm here. Push comes to shove, I'll get burned instead. Or we can get Rukia down here to put either of us out with a water kido spell."

"Let's take the Rukia option," I laughed, somehow the idea of one of my friends becoming a crispy critter wasn't very appealing.

With Renji sparring me, and Rukia at the ready for any fire inflicted injuries, I released my Shikai, "Rise up from the smouldering ash and soar through the sky once more!" In its Shikai form my Zanpakotu changed appearance, the silver blade became golden and took on a sabre appearance, the guard became a golden flame, and the hilt was red with an orange ribbon flowing gracefully behind it.

I swiped at the air in front of Renji and released a crescent shaped flame blast towards him. He had enough time to Shunpo to safety.

"Well, I think we've unlocked part of your Zanjutsu capability," he joked. I laughed. All it had taken was me being comfortable enough to open up to someone about why I refused to use my Zanpakotu unless it was in absolute necessity. Despite his cocky attitude, and his sometimes perverted antics, Renji was quickly becoming one of my best friends in the soul society.

"Let's see that again," Rukia suggested as she went into her Shinigami form by popping her chappy soul candy into her mouth.

"Fire against snow and ice, how about it?" She drew her Zanpakotu, and stood with the blade directly in front of her in an upright position. "Dance Sode no Shirayuki," Rukia stated and turned the Zanpakotu counter clock wise while centered in front of her. Her Zanpakotu became completely white, including the ribbon attached to the hilt.

"Rukia's probably better suited to counter your attacks than me," Renji admitted. I nodded in agreement, fire against ice was always better than fire against metal. So I took my stance, Rukia took hers.

"Tsugi no mai, Hakuren" a bolt of ice was flying at me, I countered with the same crescent shaped fire blast. It split the column of ice, and I was cleared of her attack.

"Good job. Now, use the name of your Shikai ability as you release it," Rukia commanded as she came at me with another attack.

I obeyed and the splicing of her ice attack was even greater. Then she and Renji switched places.

"I won't use Zabimaru's special ability on you, don't use Suzaku's on me" Renji stated. I nodded in response.

"Good... think fast!" he shouted as he charged at me.

* * *

AN: It took me a while to find it, but the reason I changed the name of Hotaru's Zanpakuto from 'Phoenix' to Suzaku is because Suzaku is a Japanese name that the Phoenix is known by. The translation is "Red bird".


	5. Fire nightmare

"How was training?" Urahara asked as we emerged from the training room.

"Draining, but there was progress."

"Once we got past the basic road block that was holding her back, she erupted with talent," Rukia confirmed my statement, sitting at the table next to me.

"She could be one of the very few to exit the Academy and go straight to the rank of Lieutenant," Rukia complimented me.

I blushed at the remark. "I doubt that. Third seat maybe," I stated while going along with what I thought was joking.

"Are you kidding me? Fire and water Zanpakotu spirits always signify a very powerful Shinigami capable of astounding achievements."

"What about Renji's training?" Yoruichi almost giggled at the idea of a student mentoring a Lieutenant. I couldn't blame her, even in my own mind the idea seemed abserd.

"He was able to block most of my kido spells with ease. Last time we did kido sparring in soul society, he was sweating just trying to form half a shield, so there's definite improvement," I replied.

Rukia was laughing so hard she snorted, "course in the Academy... Renji was trying to cast Hado 31, and it blew up in his face... literally." I felt bad about it, but I couldn't help laughing at the mental image.

I finished the meal that Tessai had made for us, knowing we'd all be hungry after training. "Hmm, Renji before I forget... Chad wanted to do something with me tomorrow. He isn't saying what, but I'm letting you know as soon as I can that well I won't be training tomorrow," I stated, I felt a bit guilty. Here this guy and his best friend were taking time away from their duties to help me improve my skills and I was blowing them off for something that a friend in a former life was planning.

Rukia made an observation, "Tomorrow's April 6th. He probably wants to do something for your birthday."

"Oh... in all honestly, I hadn't thought about that," I admitted.

"Hey what do you like anyways?" Rukia asked clear out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"You know, bunnies, sports, sunglasses. Give us an idea here," Renji prompted.

I blushed, "I... honestly all I really remember liking is spicy food, I liked basketball ... I ... I don't know the name of it... but I think it's some kind of dessert..." I rambled, blushing with intense ferocity with each idiot word that escaped my mouth.

"I should go," I stated as I returned to my gigai and charged out of the shop.

"If you want to know what she likes, you should probably ask someone who remembers," Yoruichi suggested before continuing with her point, "I did yesterday, after we found out when her birthday was. She has a fondness for cats, she loves blue jeans, hates skirts and dresses unless she has to dress up for something, and even then she won't wear a dress that doesn't go down past her knees. Her favourite colours are red and orange, she despises pink. And when she was alive she had pierced ears which she normally wore golden studs in. She and Chad had this tradition as well, every year on her birthday, they'd go to a taco bell, get some dinner and then go to an ice cream parlor and share a banana split. That's likely the dessert that she remembers."

Of course! They should've asked Chad, both Renji and Rukia blushed at their silliness.

"Oh and Renji, if you do get her sunglasses, try to avoid the fancy designer stuff. Just go for the classic shades. Apparently designer stuff makes her feel like she's a walking fashion statement. Rukia, no animal motif clothing or floral prints, she feels very silly in those clothes, kind of childlike." Rukia sweat dropped at that.

"Cats huh?" Rukia wondered out loud. Hmmm what could she find for Hotaru that had cats? Or maybe a red shirt or a nice red dress with a long skirt, god she was so different from Rukia, at least with Orihime they both liked Choppy the bunny.

I arrived at Chad's apartment and I could smell food cooking, part of me felt guilty for having already ate. I entered through the front door. "Hey," I called out. "Hey Hotaru," Chad shouted back. Last night that was the most we said until we watched Carnivore Kingdom.

"Urahara said that you already ate, so don't feel bad alright? I'm just making my own food."

"Oh okay," I replied laughing with a bit of relief. "You having any more memories since you got here?" Chad asked suddenly.

"Well... I don't know exactly. It's kind of difficult to describe. I keep seeing some kind of food n us sharing it."

He chuckled a bit. "I think I know what you're talking about," he said. He didn't go any further than that.

"What is it?"

"You'll see," was all he said as he took in a mouthful of the Japanese dish he had made. I gave him a look that almost made him laugh.

"C'mere," he said, his arms open to me. I climbed into his lap. "Is it scary, remembering these things?"

"Sometimes," I replied. I hadn't told him about some of the other stuff that I was remembering.

"Do you remember that promise that I made, the day that you first remember seeing me?"

I thought back to the bullies playing keep away with the medicine, I nodded against his chest.

"It's still in place, but I'm going to modify it a bit. Whenever you need me, wherever you are, just call my name. If you're scared, if you're uncertain, whatever it is, I'll be there."

"De ja vu," I giggled. "You spent years of my life protecting me, Yasutora. I think since I'm capable, I should return the favour. If you ever feel like you can't handle something, call on me."

When I woke up the next morning on Yasutora's couch (he had given me a spare pillow and a blanket, but due to our ages and our gender difference we both thought it would be inappropriate to share a bed), the blanket was brought up to my chin but I was shaking and I was in a cold sweat. I'd had a nightmare, about fire, I quickly realised. I got up and looked around, it was four in the morning? I didn't want to wake Yasutora, so I tried to go back to sleep.

_The heat radiated around me, I quickly searched around me, but what was I looking for. I heard screams coming from the room in front of me, children crying. I held my hand over the door knob, it was cool._

_ "Michelle, Kira, Joey, I'm coming in!" I shouted to the children. _

_I moved quickly, opening the door and I ran inside, tightly closing the door behind me. _

_"Hotaru! We gotta get out," Michelle, the youngest was in a panic. _

_"Yes we do, but not that way. It's too hot and the smoke's thick." I wondered briefly how I'd managed to get that far, I had surprised myself. _

_I unplugged the bedroom lamp, and used it to break through the window screen. "HELP!" I yelled out the window. _

_Neighbours were gathering below us, some of them carrying bed sheets. "Throw the kids down, we'll catch them!" I heard them saying. _

_I grabbed Joseph first, and gave a warning that he was coming as I pushed him out of the room through the window. They caught him easily. _

_"Next one, let's go,"A neighbour yelled. Michelle fought me for a bit before I held her close to my chest. _

_"Shh, we'll all be okay. But not if you don't get going right now," I told her. _

_She calmed down, nodded, and then jumped from the window. _

_Last was Kira, I could feel my lungs tensing up, giving me a hard time. I felt my pockets, no inhaler. It didn't matter anyways, the little ones were almost all safe. I'd done what I had returned to this burning house to do. _

_"Hotaru, are you alright? Maybe you should go next," Kira suggested. _

_I shook my head 'no', and told her to get out of the house now. She gave me a concerned glare, I smiled doing my best to reassure her. Then she jumped from the window, it was my turn. My lungs were worse now, it was difficult to move. I barely had enough strength to climb onto the window sill. My lungs had never felt this bad before, it was like I had something heavy sitting on my chest, crushing the air out of me while my head was held under water. My head was foggy and I couldn't think straight. _

_"__Jump Hotaru! C'mon kiddo jump, we've got you!" My neighbours shouted. Looking around I realised, this wasn't Mexico, there were palm trees. Somewhere in the United States? I let myself fall down, they caught me. "Someone call an ambulance! She's in respiratory arrest!" A woman hollered out as she leant over me. I felt myself slipping away, but the kids were safe, that's all that mattered. Blissful darkness took me..."Hotaru! Don't die! Please! I'm sorry!" Kira's panicked plea was the last thing I heard. _


	6. Youtube & a banana split?

My eyes shot open, I sat up on the couch screaming for Kira, before I caught myself and realised where I was. Yasutora came running into the living room. "Hotaru, what's wrong?"

"Sorry Yasutora, it's nothing... a bad dream, that's all."

"I don't believe that. It was a memory wasn't it?"

I allowed tears to fall from my eyes. Chad was there with a kleenex and sat on the couch next to me. I noticed he didn't wear a pajama top, and instead opted for the bottoms only. I took in a breath and let it out slowly.

"I think... I think I dreamt of how I died."

His attention was peaked, and I went on to explain the dream, at the end he agreed it sounded like a repressed memory from when I was human.

"But who are Kira, Michelle and Joseph?"

"Joseph is the youngest, he's your little brother, Michelle and Kira are your younger sisters."

They were my brother and sisters. I had died to save them. The eldest sacrificed so the younger ones could live, fair trade. A thought occurred to me, "Chad?"

"First time you've called me that," he grinned.

"Is that okay?"

"It's okay," he agreed before inquiring, "What were you going to ask?"

"Do you have the internet?"

He had an idea of what I wanted to do, but sadly he shook his head 'no'. "I'll take you to the library tomorrow," he offered. I nodded in agreement. "In the meantime, it's four in the morning... do you think you can get back to sleep?"

I thought for a moment before answering honestly, "I'm not sure."

I watched his body language, he had mixed feelings about asking me the next thing out of his mouth, "want to stay in my room for a while?"

I thought for a second, hesitating, "I don't know... how comfortable are you with that?"

"Hotaru, we were both born in Okinawa, we both moved to Mexico within a year of each other. We grew up together, if being in the same bed will help you sleep, I'm fine with it. Any other girl, I'd say 'no' without hesitation."

I thought about what he said, I was born in Okinawa? "Okay," I agreed. We went into his room, the bed wasn't really big, it was big enough for him, but to fit me in there too? Well, I suppose. I wasn't very much... about 5' even, 100 pounds soaking wet... so I guessed I'd be able to fit. We crawled under the covers together, Chad reassured me once more that he was right there, and there wasn't any need to fear anything. I smiled, I knew it already... I thought briefly that part of me, even when I didn't know who he was, always knew I was safe with him. He wrapped a giant muscular arm around me, pulling me close to his chest. I had my back to him, but even still I could feel the immense intimacy in that act.

"You okay?" he asked.

I nodded and replied vocally, "Yeah... just... honestly I don't think I've ever shared a bed with anyone except my sisters."

He laughed at that, "Nah, I slept over a few times, n same with you at my place."

"We were kids. It was a bit different."

"True. Are you too uncomfortable?"

"Not really, it's just..." I didn't know how to say it.

He reached for my hand then bringing it up to his lips, kissed my hand.

"Hotaru, first and foremost, we're friends. We were best friends. I'd never do anything unless you want me to."

I relaxed at that, and within minutes I was asleep. Bright and early the next day he took me to the library, seeing as it was a Saturday and he didn't have school (I had decided not to enroll myself, choosing instead to train at Urahara's while he was learning the land of the living stuff). I easily found what I was looking for, the news article on my death, it had been front page of a local Los Angeles paper. More than that though, I found some videos on youtube dedicated to my memory. That was a bit shocking.

One of them was a series of photos of me with my family and friends, including Chad set to 'Cable Car' by the Fray. Then one caught my eye, "Wonderful" by everclear was the song, but it was mostly me and a little boy, I could only guess was my brother. It had us with me holding him as a baby in a hospital, teaching him how to dribble a basketball, how to spin the basketball on his finger, teaching him how to hold a baseball bat, me comforting him after what looked like a tumble off a bike. At the end the text 'Nothing's wonderful now' scrolled across the screen.

That one broke my heart, there was a video response to it, the user was 'MichelleMaBelle', it had photos of me with my brother and sisters, doing various things, some where the girls and I were hanging upside down from a tree branch, set to 'deeper than blood' by Sorovy. I couldn't help smiling at that one, the text at end read "We miss you sis! Deeper than blood 4 life!"

All of the information was the same though, I had been born on April 6th in Okinawa Japan, like Chad had said, and then 14 years later on August 7th I had passed away in a house fire. Apparently I had initially gotten out, only discovering that I couldn't find my siblings, and then heard one of them screaming from the slightly opened bedroom window. I had charged back in to get them. The act had exposed me to toxic fumes from the smoke, and that combined with my asthma is what had killed me.

The Fire Marshall had said even without a lung condition, someone exposed to as much smoke as I had been wouldn't have made it and he had been "amazed the young woman managed to get as far as she did before losing consciousness and slipping into a coma." The coma had been short lived, only about eight hours.

"So that's what happened," Chad said, his voice was saturated with sadness.

"Yeah, I guess I really loved those brats," I joked.

He looked at me with a strange look, "Yes you did. So did I. I protected you and I'd protect Michelle and Kira as often as I could. We all used to get teased for being army brats, though only my Dad was in the army; your mom was a military linguistics specialist. She was American, if I remember right... she used to always insist that I call her 'Sarah'. Because of that we got called privileged, but more so you than me. My parents died in Mexico shortly after we arrived and I was adopted by my grandfather.

Your parents were still alive, and when we were 12, you moved to Los Angeles, with your dad on yet another Naval posting, your mom was a Marine's Linguisitic specialist and moved wherever your father's postings were. It was because people were jealous that we got to move around. They should try it."

The rest of the day we played basketball, went to Taco bell for dinner, then we went to an ice cream parlour, and Chad refused to have me standing by him while he ordered, telling me it was a surprise.

I sat down at a table and waited for him. When he came over, he had a large dish, two spoons and in the dish was a banana, sliced down the center, in between the banana slices were three scoops of vanilla ice cream, topped with chocolate, strawberry and caramel sauce, whipped cream, and cherries.

I looked at him, "Chad, this is the dessert that..."

He nodded and was smiling, "we used to share one of these every year on your birthday, since we were eight years old," he told me. "What's it called?"

"It's a Banana Split."

I took a taste of it, it was good. He seemed amused at my reaction; I gave him a look that said 'what?' He just grinned and I knew what he was thinking. We wouldn't have made a tradition of this if I didn't like the dish. I blushed a bit at how not having my memory was making me, and he just gave me a look that told me not to worry about it. I thought maybe he saw it as being cute. Afterwards we went back to the apartment, as I sat on his couch a wave of sadness hit me.

"Hey Chad tomorrow's your birthday, what do you want to do for that?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I'm happy just having you back in my life," he admitted.

It dawned on me then what today had been, it had been my birthday, but also a kind of reunion party between just the two of us. That big softie! The biggest surprise though came when he brought a present to me, I opened it, just a bit hesitant, and he'd paid Uryuu to make me an ankle length sundress, it was red, with broad shoulder straps, and yellow stripes. I hugged him tight in a silent thank you. The dress was beautiful.


	7. opening up to someone unexpected

Chapter 7

It was April 28th; we still hadn't located the actual source of the immense spiritual pressure the Soul Society had sent us to investigate. Chad's birthday had been 21 days ago, and the most we was me managing to talk him into going to the mall where I got him a stuffed pushy lion like the one from Carnivore Kingdom. He loved it, I was remembering now he always had a fondness for cute things, despite the exterior being a giant muscular brute, inside he was an intelligent giant teddy bear. The nightmares of my death had stopped as suddenly as they started. Lately though another dream was plaguing me, I knew that sometimes, in very rare cases Shinigami could see future events, an ability that allowed them to predict hollow attacks and which plus spirits were at greatest risk of becoming hollows. Right now, I couldn't think of that, I was training under Urahara's shop with Rukia once again.

"Tsugi no mai, Hakuren," Rukia commanded her Sode no Shirayuki.

"Suzaku blaze!" I countered with Suzaku; my shikai ability was becoming more powerful each time we sparred.

Rukia let herself smile a bit, "There's a new one that your Zanpakotu taught you recently, isn't there?" She asked.

I nodded in affirmation.

"Is it more powerful?"

I nodded again.

"Good. Use that one against this next attack. Get ready, cause here I come," she warned me as she took her battle stance.

I stood my ground, Suzaku raised over my head, my right arm grasping the hilt, my elbow arched, I was leaning forward slightly, my legs were shoulder length apart. In truth, my battle stance wasn't much different from Rukia's, except I didn't bring my left arm up to join my right until I had to bring Suzaku down from her perched position, instead I kept my left hand up in a defensive tactic just below my chin, ready to swipe on a moment's notice.

"Juhaku," Rukia shouted out, a trail of ice was heading my way.

I jumped up, "Fly Suzaku!" I swung my blade, in the direction that the ice was traveling, the blade sent out a fire blast shaped like a bird which collided with the ice and melted her attack on contact.

I did a flip in mid air and landed on a rock. Rukia looked up at me smiling, her eyes almost seemed to dance. "I wouldn't call you an expert, but you are more skilled than I am," she stated.

I scoffed as I admitted, "Yeah well, if you guys hadn't talked me into realizing that I can control the fire power of my Zanpakotu, I never would've gotten this far."

It was as close as I'd ever come to saying thank you, she seemed to understand that.

Rukia Kuchiki and I had bonded over these few training sessions. I had more clothes since my birthday, Uryuu had made sure of that. Two pairs of hand sewn jeans and six t-shirts kept me going all week. The shirts were mostly plain, but he seemed to know that I liked strips, so I had a red and orange stripped shirt, a green and blue, a plain red shirt, plain orange, plain blue and plain green. Rukia had gone all out on hello kitty items, where the hell she managed to find hello kitty underwear, I didn't want to know.

Yoruichi had gotten a basketball and Urahara set up a court behind the shop where I could play with whomever was up for a game, or just bounce the ball about on my own. Renji however, always had to be different. He took me to get my ears and tongue pierced. When I showed Chad the tongue piercing he had fainted... again.

Try to imagine a 5 foot nothing girl trying to prevent a 6'5" guy from falling backwards and smacking his head on the corner of a table... looks funny, but it's damn painful. Orihime had taken me accessory shopping, truthfully I wasn't much for it and left with a $5 baseball cap and a cheap pair of dark sunglasses that actually looked like glasses. No fancy heart or star shaped frames, much to Renji's dismay.

The normal sparring without my Zanpakotu's special attacks was done by Renji, sometimes Ichigo. Today it was Ichigo. He was aggressive, relying on strength and speed. Admittedly the first time I sparred with him, I ran and considered cheating with kido. He had laughed at me saying that if I was precious enough for Chad to protect, he'd protect me too, it was a promise they made back in eighth grade, to fight in defence of each other.

That made me stop, the only other person I knew Chad to make such a vow to was me. Ichigo was his best friend, so was I best friend? How highly did Chad value me? It would only make things harder when I returned to the soul society. I would have to soon, unless they extended our mission.

"Hey, you alright over there?" Ichigo asked. I realised I had been visibly distracted.

"One of the most important things is to stay focused during a fight. Your opponent won't go easy on you like we do when you space out."

"Right," I confirmed my understanding.

He sheathed his Zanpakotu, smirking. "I have two little sisters, I know that look when I see it. Yuzu's had a few crushes and she's only eleven. Terrifies me to think of it," He admitted.

I raised an eyebrow, where the hell was he going with this?

"You like Chad, huh?"

I what? Well, maybe but was that any of his business? "If I did, I don't see how that would have to do with anything."

Ichigo laughed a little, "Well, you're distracted. I know the soul society generally only allows month long missions at a time, and that's for academy graduates, which means you'd likely be heading back soon. You're floating off to Pluto on a rocket when your mind should be focused on the sparring, you normally have no issues focusing."

"I was thinking about the mission," I lied as I sheathed my Zanpakotu as well.

"Really?" he asked, walking towards me.

"Yes, really," I was getting annoyed. Who the hell did he think he was?

"I think you're lying," He was pretty close right now, I was sure he could see my skin pores if he wanted to. "But if you don't want to confide in me, that's fine too. Just know if you change your mind, I'm a strong shoulder and an open ear, alright?"

I nodded, my eyes were closed... how could this guy only know me for a few weeks and already be able to read me?

"I don't want to be a high ranking officer," I blurted.

"Huh?"

"Everyone says I'm destined to be a Lieutenant fresh from the Academy... maybe even a Captain. I don't want that. I don't even want a seat, though if I have to, I'd settle for being a seated officer. I just... I know that if I'm a Lieutenant, or a Captain... I won't be coming back unless the situation is dire. My presence will never be a happy one, and I'll always be associated with strife and war," I was flooding out my darkest fear about the academy to him. To Ichigo, a guy I had just met 23 days ago... I was spilling my guts to him!

"And you're right, the worst part is, every time I see Chad, I'll be putting him in danger," I sat down on the dusty dessert like floor, staring at the sand beneath me. "I'd rather die than see him get hurt even once," I confessed.

Ichigo chuckled a bit, "You sound just like the rest of the gang. Listen up, cause I'm only going to say this once. I've learned that no matter what happens, when you're destined to be something, life finds a way. As for Chad and the rest of us not being happy to see you, that's bullshit. Orihime loved seeing Rangiku Masumoto whenever she'd visit us. We all love seeing Rukia and Renji visit. As for Toshiro, he and my sister Karin have a bit of a friendship going on so whenever he's around and she runs into him she's happy. She knows what it means, but she doesn't care. That's how it would be with you too. Besides, Chad likes you... a lot... more than any girl I've ever known him to like. For girls that he likes as just friends he's gone up against the Soul Society to help me save Rukia from execution, and when Aizen captured Orihime, he went with me to Hueco Mundo, both times he risked his life at his own will. If he gets hurt or not, it's his choice to get in harm's way, you can't stop him from doing that for you or anyone else. Tell you one other thing too, if anything happened to you, I'd go up against the Espada and every Captain in the soul society to get you back, you mean a lot to Chad so I'm sworn to protect you, but more than that, you're a friend, and I'd want to. So suck it up shortcake, you're stuck with us, all of us, no matter what."

After the first bit of that speech my attention had snapped from the floor, up to meet his brown eyes and his determined face. He meant every word of it. One thing I had learned about Ichigo is that he would make a promise to himself inwardly, and then say it out loud as if he's making the promise a reality, so when he says he wouldn't be sad to see me, and Chad wouldn't, he meant it. Boy did I feel like an idiot. "Thanks Ichigo," I said. He smiled a bit, "Don't mention it."


	8. No she's running to the easter bunny!

That's when it hit, that intense almost paralyzing sensation brought on by immense spiritual pressure.

"What is that?" Ichigo asked. I leapt up to my feet and charged up to the shop, Renji was almost paralyzed as well.

"Looks like it decided to show up," Renji stated, he looked at me n briefly shot a grin that I knew was meant to put me at ease, but right now it infuriated me. There was this thing, whatever it was nearby and he was taking time to shoot glances my way? Nut job, stay on the ball!

"What is that?" Uryuu managed to get out.

"It's the source we've been trying to locate. Whatever it is, it seems it can conceal its spiritual pressure to an undetectable amount until it wants to be found by something or someone," I stated.

A horrible thought occurred to me. "Renji, what if it's a renegade?"

"Orders are to determine the source and deal with it accordingly."

"Right, let's go," I replied leaping over my Gigai who was happily petting cat form Yoruichi, Renji and I took off outside followed by Ichigo.

"Hey, don't go running off without me."

"What the hell? What makes you think you're tagging along?"

"Stupid shortcake, didn't anything I just told you sink in?"

I couldn't stay angry at that and I reminded myself that this substitute had gone up against Aizen himself and lived to tell the tale. I fucking hated being called 'shortcake'! "Alright, but don't get separated," I stated as Renji and I took off in the direction of the spiritual pressure, Ichigo followed closely behind us.

Nothing in all of my training prepared me for what I saw, I thought this sort of thing only happened in Hueco Mundo... but there it was, right before my eyes. It was a hollow devouring another hollow.

"What the... did hell just freeze over?" I wondered out loud. Renji looked at me confused until Ichigo explained.

"When someone says to you 'when hell freezes over', they mean it's not going to happen or it's unlikely to. Seeing one hollow eat another outside of Hueco Mundo is kind of like hell freezing over. It's an expression of disbelief."

"Oh, no you saw it right," Renji stated.

"Alright... you two wanna go Zanjutsu on its butt and I'll blast it with kido?" I inquired.

"Sounds good," they agreed drawing their weapons. "But I'm gonna blast this thing sky high," Ichigo stated.

"Not before I rip it to shreds," Renji stated.

I face palmed myself, "I'm fighting side by side with cocky and cockier."

Both men looked at me. With an exasperated sigh I explained, "If that thing is devouring hollows it's on its way to becoming a Gillian class menos grande, not to mention that with that sort of spiritual pressure leaking out to attract its prey, it's very likely that's already ingested a few soul reapers. In other words, watch your butts. You start taking damage get behind me n I'll shield us from that bitch."

"How are you going to shield us and fight with kido?" Renji asked with a vein starting to pop from his temple.

"How do you think, pineapple brain? Shit move!" I used the Shō spell to push both of them to either side of me while I quickly used a repulsion spell to block the hollows tentacle attack.

"Tea party'sover boys, time to get dirty," I announced. I jumped in the air and back flipped out of the way to begin an incantation.

"Howl, Zabimaru!"

"Getsuga Tensho!"

While I brought both palms up in front of me and began reciting, "Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! On the wall of blue flame, inscribe a twin lotus. In the abyss of conflagration, wait at the far heavens. Hado #63 Sōren Sōkatsui!" Two shots of blue fire erupted from my hands directly striking the hollow.

It was injured but it wasn't destroyed. "Tough cookie huh, that won't be for much longer." The Hollow began to move, Ichigo and Renji both moved to protect me, but I was the one who wound up protecting them. Grabbing both of them I pulled them close as I dared to "Danku!" The tentacles bounced off the splitting void spell.

"Alright... I'm going to need it fully distracted for this last one. Only problem with Kido, it does leave you open for attack."

"We've got your back," Ichigo encouraged. Renji nodded in agreement. Both of them charged at the hollow, slicing and hacking away at it, while I took a new position over the hollow. I muttered the incantation, one that none had heard before having just learned it from Tessai, and as I finished I hollered to give Ichigo and Renji warning to move, "Hado #88," Ichigo and Renji quickly appeared at my side as I finished naming the spell.

"Hiryugekizokushintenraiho!" A gigantic electricity blast of spiritual energy exploded where the hollow had once been. It was gone; the spiritual pressure had lifted the second the spell struck. The remains of the tentacles were dissolving into the air, and I was exhausted.

"It isn't here, but that doesn't mean that it's dead," I said and explained that statement, "while you were fighting I noticed something... every time a tentacle was lopped off, three more grew in its place. That thing had some regenerative ability... makes me wonder how badly it was wounded and if it's gone or just playing dead."

"I'll send word to the soul society, see about extending our mission time here to make sure this thing's gone, and that there aren't any others like it," Renji offered. I nodded, it was something at least... god I was so tired, involuntarily my eyes began to close.

Ichigo reacted the quickest, grabbing my arm and pulling me up so that his body was supporting mine. "Sorry, I'm just tired," I assured them.

"Let's get out of here," Ichigo suggested. I nodded, barely able to move. His concerned voice inquired, "Hey, you gonna make it back awake?"

"Not sure," I answered, I fully wasn't certain of anything at that point. Ichigo repositioned himself, and then scooping his other arm under my legs, began carrying me bridal style.

"Well if you've gotta fall asleep, might as well make sure you're not going to risk face planting on the pavement."

"Yasutora," I mumbled.

I slept at Urahara's shop that night, while he called Chad to let him know what had happened and that I had over exerted myself a bit but would be fine with a few hours of rest.

The next morning I woke up to, "Man Rukia! You should've seen it. She was combining Bakudo with Hado. She kept popping up shields for Ichigo and I against sneak attacks this thing was throwing at us. "She managed to utilize the full power of Hado 88?"

"Yeah, I think she said something about an incantation, but yeah she did it."

"After she used Hado 63? Wow no wonder she was exhausted. Still, for a student it's impressive. Just have to work on her durability is all."

"Well, we had been training for about six hours before this happened," Ichigo informed her.

Rukia choked on the coffee she had just sipped.

"Forget just being a Captain, if the Kido Corps still exists, she could be the Captain of the Kido Corps," Urahara stated, "Achieving the full power of a level 88 spell, even with an incantation is not an easy feat for any student regardless of how close to graduation they are."

I had been listening at the door of the room that I was in while I got dressed, and decided I should get going.

"Urahara, thank you for letting me stay, but I think I should get going," I stated as I walked by him, and the three Shinigami sitting on the floor around the table.

"Aren't you going to eat first?" Rukia asked.

"I'll grab something on the way to Chad's," I replied plainly jogging out the front door.

"What's gotten into her?" Renji wondered out loud. Ichigo and Rukia shot him looks that called him an idiot without saying a word. "What? She has the hots for Sado?"

"No, she's running home to the Easter bunny. She called me Yasutora while I carried her back here last night, what do you think?" Ichigo retorted. Sometimes he couldn't believe how dense Renji could be.

Renji face palmed himself, "I didn't tell her the soul society authorized us to be here for another month to just make sure that the hollows don't continue eating each other. Shit! She's gonna Bakudo my ass!"


	9. In memory of Hotaru Kobayashi

I arrived at the apartment, and reached for my key, the door opened without me doing anything. "Hotaru," his deep voice called to me. I looked up at the man, the gentle giant, my big teddy bear, who loomed over me, his hair partially covered his eyes, from what I could see, he was worried that I'd been hurt.

"Yasutora," was all I could manage to say. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me as close as he could, not caring if anyone saw, or what they'd think. I cursed myself for being so short, having my arms around his waist and part of his chest wasn't enough, I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder.

"Damn my height," I said a bit louder than I had meant to... I hadn't meant to say it at all, just think it. He then positioned his arms so that one arm was across my back, and the other scooped me up, his one arm supporting my weight as I wrapped my legs around his waist, rested my head on his shoulder, and my arms were around his neck. "I'm sorry if I scared you last night," I whispered.

"You were with Ichigo and Renji, more than that though, you wouldn't be here before graduating if you weren't skilled. I wasn't scared, concerned yes... but I knew you were safe with Ichigo," Chad replied.

It then dawned on us that we were still in the doorway to his apartment, half in and half out. He walked into the apartment still carrying me, lightly kicking the door closed. We sat on the couch, I was now sitting with my legs across his, my head still on his shoulder, and his one hand stroking my red hair. "You're going back soon," He said suddenly. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and I was fighting hard not to cry. I really didn't want to leave. His voice cracked a bit, "I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you too Chad," I replied.

"But you'll come back to visit, right?"

"If I can, I don't know. With my skill level, I may be one of the few Shinigami in history to have a Lieutenant rank right out of the academy. In honesty, I'm not even sure if that's ever happened before. Everyone says I could, but I don't want to," I was crying now I couldn't help it. Why was I so emotional? Was it because of my memories? I didn't know. What I did know was that I really just wanted to stay in his arms as long as I could. Here, I felt like I was home. I knew I couldn't stay, but in a way I knew I'd never really leave either. A part of me would always be here, with my best friend, and I knew a part of him would always be with me.

"Hotaru, you've never been the kind of person to settle for second best. If you can make Lieutenant rank, or even Captain rank, you should. They get vacations every so often anyhow, it's not like we'd never be able to see each other again. It would just be a while."

"I know. Truth is... I was very willing to give my life to protect my siblings, but I wasn't completely ready to go. I had things I wanted to do."

"Like what?"

I laughed, some of this was going to sound so silly, if not all of it. Composing myself, I unloaded the unfulfilled dreams, "I wanted to join the high school basketball team. I wanted to graduate, and teach preschool. I wanted to vacation in Hawaii and learn how to surf. I wanted to be a mom someday. Before that, I just wanted to kiss someone..."

"You mean you were never kissed?"

I shook my head 'no', I couldn't stop myself from crying a bit. I had loved my family, and still did, as long as they were safe my sacrifice was a worthy one. All the same, being ripped from life before you're ready to go was painful. Maybe that's why all of the others couldn't remember their past lives, to spare them that pain, it was horrible. I'd rather take a whipping from Renji's Zabimaru than experience the pain I currently felt.

Yasutora looked like he was deep in thought about something. I was about to ask when he turned to me, and with one finger hooked under my chin, he brought his lips to meet mine, and pressed against me. I was shocked at first, then I kind of melted into it, pressing my lips against his, with a hand resting on his shoulder. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like minutes. When we pulled away, he was blushing, I knew I was too. "There's one item off the list," he said.

"Yeah. Can I ask why?"

He just gave me a funny look, "I figured a kiss between two best friends isn't a huge deal, especially in an unusual circumstance."

I felt myself blushing a bit deeper, "right." What had I been expecting to hear? I wasn't sure, but that certainly wasn't it. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

"Alright."

When he returned from his shower, we didn't talk that much, we just sat and listened to music, ocassionally drumming our fingers to the beat. Things over the next four weeks were quiet. Yasutora and I didn't kiss again, we hung out quite a bit as usual, normally going to the beach or shooting hoops together. Renji, Ichigo, Rukia and I all kept our senses keen and our eyes peeled but there was no sign of any more unusual hollow activity. There was always some hollow activity, naturally but it was just the normal stuff, hollows trying to devour souls, not each other.

All too soon we were preparing for our departure, saying goodbye to the whole group wasn't easy, but the most difficult by far was Yasutora. I didn't want to even look at him, knowing that if I did, I'd probably cry again, even still if I didn't, I knew I'd hurt him. Damn my pride. I looked up at his face. "I'll see you next time you visit Hotaru," he stated, pulling me in for a hug. I kept my arms around his waist in a tight hug, I didn't want to let go.

"Or you could visit," I offered.

He smiled at the thought. Then Renji, Rukia and I departed back to the Soul Society. While we were traveling between the two worlds Rukia glanced at me "So are you and Chad an item now?"

"Are you and Ichigo an item?"

"What? Why would I date that idiot."

"You're into him Ru, don't bother trying to lie about it."

Renji gave us both a startled look, was he really that oblivious?

"Fine, don't tell me then. I'll just ask Chad next time I'm in the world of the living," Rukia smirked.

"Don't you dare or I'll Phoenix your ass!"

Renji laughed, "I'm traveling with Bitchy and Bitchier."

"Shut up!" Rukia and I yelled in unison as we reached our destination.

* * *

After demonstrating the Zanjutsu skill I had acquired from Renji and Rukia's tutoring and my other skills to the council and leading Captains, I graduated.

"Hotaru Kobayashi you are assigned to Squad 10 under Captain Hitsugaya with the rank of Lieutenant," Captain-Commander Yamamoto stated.

"Thank you Captain-Commander," I replied with fake happiness, bowing slightly as I exited the testing room. On my way out, I ran into Renji and Rukia.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Renji's eager voice inquired.

"Well I guess now I can't feel too bad about calling you Renji... since we're the same rank," I replied, sadness evident in my voice.

"Which squad are you assigned to?" Rukia wanted to know.

"Squad ten, under Captain Hitsugaya."

"Hey, he generally goes to the world of the living whenever there's trouble. So you might end up seeing everyone again sooner than you think."

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"Hey what's with the down face?"

I shrugged and then a voice floated back into my mind, _"Hotaru, you've never been the kind of person to settle for second best. If you can make Lieutenant rank, or even Captain rank, you should."_

"Ya know what? I'm proud of something here, there haven't been many Lieutenants fresh out of the Academy... never mind a Lieutenant who graduated the Academy in 1/3 the time it takes other Soul Reapers... so what am I upset about? This is huge. And like you said, in squad ten, if there is any issues in the world of the living I'm almost guaranteed to go back and see the others," I boasted confidently with a grin.

"That's the spirit," Renji encouraged. Rukia simply smiled at me. Even still, I couldn't help but wonder what Yasutora was doing. Where he was, and if he was still smiling a bit. It had only been two hours, and already it felt like a life time.

"I'll let the others know when I go back, they'll be happy to hear of your accomplishment," she beamed. I managed a smile at that thought.

~Two weeks later, Uryuu's point of view~

Rukia returned two weeks after she left to let us know about Hotaru's squad assignment and rank. From my understanding, it was something that hadn't occured in the Soul Society since the first class graduated almost 1000 years ago. I was a bit surprised although I don't know why, the talent she demonstrated while here was astonishing, there was even some talk that in a couple of centuries she might take over the Gotei 13 after Yamamoto.

It had mainly been due to Rukia, Renji and Ichigo sparring with her in her Zanjutsu ability that allowed her to achieve that rank, Chad didn't show much emotion, and in fact hadn't since Hotaru had left. It seemed that when she was around he came out of his shell a bit, but when she wasn't around, he crawled back inside himself.

He had approached me after Rukia's return and asked to use my computer for something. When I asked if it was school related his reply was, "No." just a simple one worded answer. The most we could get out of him since Hotaru left was a single sentance at a time, it was worrying. I had never seen him seem to gloomy, usually that was Ichigo's department. That being said, how could I refuse his request, especially if it would help him feel better?

Looking over at the wall clock I saw it was nearing midnight, he had been hard at work for over six hours, mainly scanning photos and organizing them. Why was he doing that?

"Are you almost done there Chad?" I inquired.

"Almost," he had the head phones on, and I wondered why. Was he making a music themed slide show? I walked over and looked at one of the photos he'd scanned. It was a redhaired girl in a bathing suit, playing volleyball on a beach, it was next one of a young Chad dumping a bucket of water on the same girl's head, her mouth was open probably in mid scream. I found myself lightly chuckling as I thought of the fiery young girl chasing a young Chad around the beach trying to get him back for his little prank.

"Is this Hotaru?" I asked, the girl in the photo was about eight years old.

"Yeah, that's her."

"Huh, she didn't change too much did she?"

"No."

I looked at another photograph, I guessed it was from Okinawa, the two of them were in diapers, but even then the young Chad had a protective arm around Hotaru. Apparently in Chad's "spoiled angry kid years", as he would call them, there was still one person he would protect.

An hour later, Chad collected the photographs, thanked me for the use of my computer and left. I decided I'd best get on the computer and see if I could find some interesting little tidbits on the internet when I noticed that Chad hadn't closed off the webpage that he had been on, he had spent all of that time on youtube? Under the screen name "calmtiger" was a new video, looking at the title it read "In memory of Hotaru Kobayashi", I wondered for a moment if I should look at it. I decided to click on the video and when I did I realised why Chad had been so upset the past few weeks.

Old photographs of the two friends played before my eyes, the music in the background was "What hurts the most" by Rascal Flatts. _'She wasn't just your best friend, was she Chad? She was your first love,'_ I thought to myself, my heart breaking a little for Chad. He was in love with a Lieutenant of the Gotei 13, a relationship that could never stand a hope of lasting in his lifetime, and so he kept silent about it, bottling it up as he always did with his emotions.

Then I remembered something else that Urahara had once told us, _'If there is a reciprocated feeling between two people, and one of them dies before the feelings are spoken, the one who dies will retain memories and experience flashbacks whenever they're around the person those feelings are for.' _I thought back on how fierce, abrasive and at times even cocky Hotaru would suddenly become timid as a lamb around Chad, and I thought about how Chad always made an excuse to be around Hotaru when she was in their world. They did love each other, but it was an unspoken love.

"Well," I mumbled, "that explains Hotaru's feelings of de ja vu."

* * *

AN: Okay well that's the end of this story. I wanted to keep it open for a sequal, either chapter or one shot. Now the one shot sequal is up, called "Just one night". Please review this story, tell me what you think, good or bad comments, i'll take them all, thank you. :)


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